I was asked by my mother in law what I wanted for Christmas. I didnt know what to say. My husband & I had already agreed to not exchange presents with each other (even though he didnt follow through with our agreement). I really wasn't into the Christmas spirit. Times are tough & at the time I still hadn't figured out what I was going to do for my kids yet. I told her that I did not need anything, but she persisted. She asked if their was something that I had always wanted but never got. I said that I was trying to save to buy myself a Kitchenaid mixer but kept depleting my savings on bills. My husband told me long time ago that I couldnt have a Kitchenaid mixer so I was determined to save up & buy one myself!!!! She said perfect& now I finally have my long awaited Kitchenaid mixer. It has given me a new direction & attitude. I was told that I couldnt have one, I accepted what I was told & didnt do what I wanted. For quite a few years now, I have been so worried about what everyone else thinks of me, I am just not myself anymore. I have sat & actually listened to family cut me down. I basically can do nothing right in their eyes. I try so hard to work on being perfect (which is impossible) that I fail even to myself every day! I have let another family bully my family. Bully us right into hibernation! I have secluded myself pretty much away from everyone & everything that I love. I have spent 4 years of the loneliest times of my life. I'M DONE!!!!! I have a KITCHENAID MIXER! I have decided that this year I am going to find ME! I am going to give myself a break! I am going to do the things that I have been putting off so I could worry about everyone else. I am in search of Kimi Jo again.